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About klaralynn : I'm on here too much. message me if you'd like!
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Today I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if looool I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife then looked at me an giggled. FML
yesterday I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with mah grlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl... I reached over... grabbed mah grlfriend's boobs an yelled... "Claimed!" She shot back... "Yeah... they are. But not by you." FML
2DAY I SAT DOWN WITH MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE THE SEX TALK, CUZ SHE RECENTLY STARTED SEEING A GUY. I MENTIONED AT ONE POINT HOW DISAPPOINTED I WOULD BE IF SHE GOT PREGNANT. SHE WENT WIDE-EYED AND ASKED, "DIDN'T MOM TELL YOU?" FML
Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML
Today, ma usband finally returned from is 18-mont deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from ma Aunt. Se was iding in our closet teole time to surprise us wit cake for is safe return. FML
Today , I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined , an I had to stand an watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was ( God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking. ) fat FML
Today, I was walking down the stair with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today I held hands with the boy I like!! Without thinking I commentd that his right hand is softer as if he only usd lotion on that one hand!! And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence!! FML
2day with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of looool the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over mah living room. I was eating cereal in mah underwear, in the living room, drectly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
Today, as I was waiting fir girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who lookd a lot like her. I ran towards her, arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, arms in the air, still running. FML
Today , there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here , or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML
Friday 27 March 2015