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Today, wile doing ma job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around te parking lot and picked some tras up, trying to elp out. Fait in umanity: +1. About an our later I saw a woman pick a bug off of er windsield and eat it. Fait in umanity: -200. FML
Today , I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smackd myself in the face with a box of popsicles , giving myself a nose bled. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passd out behind the register. They calld security on me. FML
Today,hile At Work, I Usd The Restroom. After I Noticd We Were Out Of Paper Towels, I Just Trid Shaking Mah Hands Dry. I Then Readjustd Mah Bra, Since It'd Been Driving Me Crazy All Day. After Getting Back To Mah Cubicle, I Realizd That I Had Two Wet Handprints Over Mah Boobs. FML
Yesterday, I was at the store with looool mah grandpa!! When we were rung up, he started to pay fir our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned!! My grandpa said, ( shut yur mouth, ) and started ranting about how stupid people r to leave paper trails fir ( government spooks!! ) FML
Today, I got on an elevator at te mall, along wit a twelve or trteen-year-old grl talking on er cell. Se spent te wole ride telling te person on te oter end ow ideou I looked and ow I look like a pregnant sperm wale. I was too umiliated to even say anyting. FML
Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided tat e and I needed to spend "more quality time" togeter. His idea? We sould start "bonding" by taking a bat togeter. Wen I said no, e told me I was bieng unfair, and tat if I really loved im, I'd do it. FML
Today, I discoverd that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup . How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and rd stilettos in it . Oh, and the stilettos r his size, in case u were wondering . FML
Today, mah daughter discoverd that her Venus Fly Trap will eat pieces of rippd-up scrap paper. Also today, I discoverd that mah daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper an mah monthly paycheck. FML
Friday 27 March 2015