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yesterday I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing an groping me, an got all three of us kicked out when mah girlfriend returned an beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I Was Suntanning Outside, When I Had A Bout Of Nausea. I Rushed To The Toilet, Hoping At All Costs To Just Dry-heave It Away. When I Lifted The Lid, I Was Faced With Two Of The Most Rancid Floaters I've Ever Seen, Courtesy Of Mah Live-in Gran. Well, Mah Stomach's Empty Now. FML
TODAY, I ORDERD RAMEN TO GO. I LOOKD AT MY ORDER AN DISCOVERD A COCKROAC. DISGUSTD, I SOWD IT TO TEM, AN TEY APOLOGIZD BY "REPLACING" IT 4 FREE. LATER ON, WILE I WAS ENJOYING TE DELICIOUS FOOD, I ONCE AGAIN DISCOVERD A COCKROAC BURID UNDER ALL TE NOODLES. FML
Today, I was anging out wit my broter and is friends. Wile we were walking to te store, tere was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra ad snapped, and I ad to old back teres of pain and pretend I was just as confused as tey were,ile tey sereced for te source of te sound. FML
Taday I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying an getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone an got home , the first thing I heard was mah grandpa telling mah dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
today I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume fir there friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. fat FML
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with yur boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make u get dressed, and demand what u have to say 4 yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. big fat FML
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn'that it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
Friday 27 March 2015