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About kittybomb : Shit happens? Pssh. More like life happens.
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Yesterday, crush kissed me fir the first time. However, hair was falling into face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with mah grlfriend, we went back to mah place and things started getting hot . I went in the bathroom and putted on a green condom . She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked ( like a cucumber ) and ( cucumbers r nasty . ) FML
Today, ma usband finally returned from is 18-mont deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from ma Aunt. Se was iding in our closet teole time to surprise us wit cake for is safe return. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite looool well, until dessert cummd and he startd telling mehy bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. mega FML
Today, I was told by a friend that mah girlfriend has been cheating on me . Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere 4 sex . My mother's response when I confided this in her: ( Ask me if I care . ) FML
Today..!! I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on ma lonely nigts!! Once at te adult store..!! I also grabbed a brtday card to make it seem te dildo wasn't fir me!! At te register..!! te casier looked at me and said..!! "For God's sake..!! save yourself some money!! I already know it's fir you." FML
Today, boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
Today... I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs... never drank alcohol... never had sex... never had psychological problems... never been to the hospital for something serious... never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML
Friday 27 March 2015