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kittenmeownyan's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:43am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
by 3peeps / 12/30/2011 at 2:13am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
by couldntholdit / 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Love
by siannacasey / 07/03/2011 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
by Artic / 04/12/2011 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by a / 03/01/2011 at 10:00am / Health
by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2011 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Work
- Today, somebody threw a pencil and it got stuck in the ceiling. And since I'm tall everyone thought… Today, I realized no matter what I try, I can't stimulate my clitorus. I get more pleasure cleaning… Today, in a sleep-deprived rush, I went to use the washroom and refill a bottle of water. I somehow…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s…