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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35495) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44282) - you deserved it (3639)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20406) - you deserved it (4384)
On 10/10/2011 at 8:58pm - health - by maniac11 - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9051) - you deserved it (21118)
On 10/06/2011 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (8310)
On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25790) - you deserved it (1967)
On 10/03/2011 at 2:08am - misc - by TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States (New York)
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (8373)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my mom found a new way to get me to clean my room. She piled everything from my floor in front of my wardrobe and padlocked my dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in my room. The worst part? She put over a hundred decoys in there too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8420) - you deserved it (24430)
On 10/01/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by Kazuya - Australia (Victoria)
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40240) - you deserved it (3157)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16124) - you deserved it (32347)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (4593)
On 09/26/2011 at 6:37am - work - by gotanewmouse - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35900) - you deserved it (3189)
On 09/24/2011 at 3:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18387) - you deserved it (10527)
On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7987) - you deserved it (37209)
On 09/21/2011 at 2:47am - work - by f_ck_U (man) - China (Zhejiang)
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (25381) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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