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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30712) - you deserved it (2253)
On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5753) - you deserved it (29962)
On 09/15/2012 at 11:37am - misc - by Rowan Curry - United States (California)
Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29958) - you deserved it (1324)
On 09/15/2012 at 7:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)
Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16541) - you deserved it (1444)
On 09/15/2012 at 7:07am - health - by Leashaness (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18356) - you deserved it (1974)
On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17648) - you deserved it (1404)
On 09/15/2012 at 1:35am - intimacy - by anon (man) - United States (California)
Today, the gas company came to connect our stove for free. While here, they broke our hot water heater, shut it off, and issued us a hazard notice. We can fix it, but they won't be able to come back for another two weeks to turn the gas back on. We don't have any hot water until then. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14263) - you deserved it (860)
On 09/15/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (2205)
On 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm - love - by wow kid just leave me alone (woman) - United States
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (1853)
On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15260) - you deserved it (1566)
On 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13115) - you deserved it (754)
On 09/14/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by thefuckman (man) - United States
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17198) - you deserved it (1255)
On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11779) - you deserved it (17024)
On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20042) - you deserved it (1845)
On 09/14/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by MexicanMe (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50775) - you deserved it (3669)
On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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