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This isn't what should be happening
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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24570) - you deserved it (5287)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4144) - you deserved it (36204)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5528) - you deserved it (25422)
On 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm - misc - by didntknowyoucouldbreakit (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5616) - you deserved it (18860)
On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19363) - you deserved it (1314)
On 09/29/2012 at 12:08am - health - by cedechan (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15797) - you deserved it (1744)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13595) - you deserved it (32008)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (6051)
On 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19588) - you deserved it (1523)
On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27783) - you deserved it (3480)
On 06/14/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by anonymous - China (Jiangsu)
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3812) - you deserved it (29396)
On 06/03/2012 at 1:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5641) - you deserved it (17182)
On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States
Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5474) - you deserved it (59993)
On 04/28/2012 at 10:31am - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28531) - you deserved it (2407)
On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17860) - you deserved it (1904)
On 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm - health - by emoflowers - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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