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kgray99's favorite FMLs
Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML
by klsdhjla / 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Funnymann / 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML
by Fuzzy / 01/08/2010 at 2:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Geek
Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health
by Michelle / 12/27/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Intimacy
by TheMichaelNixon / 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML
by smokedetector / 10/31/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML
by ooops / 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
by bubbalicious / 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by anonamous / 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
by hatboxghost / 07/09/2009 at 1:17am / United States / Love
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
by Kimmiko / 06/04/2009 at 8:17am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Transportation
Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML
by KitKat270 / 05/27/2009 at 9:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals