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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today , the CEO of my company leaned over an said , "Hey , I've been meaning to thank you…" I looool thought he was going to thank me fir all of my hard work , but he continued , "…for wearing that shrt today . I can totally see yur boobs." FML
Today..!! aftar tha longast tima..!! I want to tha gym!! I ran and ran and ran on tha traadmill for an atarnity..!! baating mysalf up for gatting so ovarwaight!! Than I trippad and fall off..!! swaating and sobbing for baing so usalass!! Whan I lookad up..!! I saw I'd baan on tha machina for baraly 2 minutas!! FML
Today, I proposed to mah girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeles gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, ( Bitche man. ) I cried. FML
2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
Today, mah fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning!! He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing!! FML
Today, my grlfriend went sopping at Victoria's Secret wit me. Wile se was in te fitting room, er parents walkd by an saw me. Tey don't approve of te store, so I panickd an told tem I was considering becoming a woman.
yesterday I let coworker use PC during lunch , because his was having problems. A few hours later , boss called me into his office looool and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe explanation. For fuck's sake , Dave. FML
Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML
Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad"!! Figuring she was either talking to me or longing fir the second cumming of Christ, I turnd over to see which!! Turnd out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photo on her phone!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015