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kewlkali

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kewlkali

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1119
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 37 posted

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kewlkali's favorite FMLs

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27463) - you deserved it (1832)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29498) - you deserved it (8588)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33204) - you deserved it (6083)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

#21345231
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28883) - you deserved it (1989)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by I'm screwed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

#21339526
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (18742)

On 01/18/2015 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39422) - you deserved it (2697)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32405) - you deserved it (3385)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41899) - you deserved it (11679)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42245) - you deserved it (11776)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53189) - you deserved it (8260)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49248) - you deserved it (12919)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57224) - you deserved it (5301)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)



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