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50 favourites
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29816) - you deserved it (2647)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33792) - you deserved it (3263)
On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27457) - you deserved it (5371)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30873) - you deserved it (7813)
On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States
Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29289) - you deserved it (4984)
On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33891) - you deserved it (6998)
On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (3952)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (1537)
On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia
Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26257) - you deserved it (6503)
On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25558) - you deserved it (6801)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia
Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43573) - you deserved it (4295)
On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18460) - you deserved it (5347)
On 01/05/2013 at 12:30am - love - by VampObsessed - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32289) - you deserved it (2704)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States
Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24830) - you deserved it (3855)
On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38105) - you deserved it (2966)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:29am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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