kenzy3659

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kenzy3659

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  • Number of visits : 212
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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kenzy3659's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

by foreveralone / 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

by myself / 09/20/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

by apparently inexperienced / 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

by kevcng / 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm / United States / Work

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2012 at 11:09am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

by screamer / 09/02/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

by thewhompingwillow / 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy