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kenoswild's FML badges
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100 kick ass comments
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kenoswild's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
by human lava lamp / 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by themouseman1212 / 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Money
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML
by Holls / 04/12/2012 at 9:47am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous
by meganisabella / 03/11/2012 at 5:15am / United States / Transportation
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML
by h4rdy / 03/09/2012 at 11:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/08/2012 at 7:30pm / Canada / Love
- Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to…