About kendallw13 : I love contemporary dance and I speak fluent sarcasm. This website makes me laugh without fail.
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Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30226) - you deserved it (1849)
On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46040) - you deserved it (7010)
On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27597) - you deserved it (5378)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21149) - you deserved it (2134)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:45pm - health - by maced face - United States
Today, I got into an argument with my wife. We had gotten our son an Xbox and two games for his birthday. Since he was ungratefully bitching about it, I made him return it and donate the money to charity. He told her that I hit him, took his present and pawned it for beer. She doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35646) - you deserved it (3901)
On 01/30/2013 at 6:23pm - kids - by XboxDad (man) - United States (California)
Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22737) - you deserved it (4453)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (5240)
On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11680) - you deserved it (33776)
On 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by lesson.learned (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (3671)
On 01/20/2013 at 10:55pm - love - by airrinw_33 - United States (Mississippi)
Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25423) - you deserved it (1085)
On 01/16/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by itsjustwill - United States (Washington)
Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (1833)
On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15597) - you deserved it (9733)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (4303)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16715) - you deserved it (18056)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29987) - you deserved it (4321)
On 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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