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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (13709)
On 12/11/2010 at 1:00am - intimacy - by caligirl921 - United States
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43367) - you deserved it (6090)
On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25845) - you deserved it (4793)
On 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by roberto (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)
Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (15104) - you deserved it (26729)
On 11/12/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by lisacasabonita (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27605) - you deserved it (15701)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16865) - you deserved it (2877)
On 10/09/2010 at 2:36am - misc - by sister_woes (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23192) - you deserved it (6764)
On 10/09/2010 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31175) - you deserved it (1972)
On 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30604) - you deserved it (2076)
On 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Jake - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24012) - you deserved it (4979)
On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22696) - you deserved it (3851)
On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36712) - you deserved it (10618)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24621) - you deserved it (2689)
On 08/11/2010 at 5:19am - health - by Thepunchline (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5843) - you deserved it (26196)
On 07/25/2010 at 1:06am - health - by one_BAMF - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25740) - you deserved it (1539)
On 07/16/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
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