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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61534) - you deserved it (4577)
On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39330) - you deserved it (21014)
On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (149033) - you deserved it (22382)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42242) - you deserved it (3633)
On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you deserved it (16131)
On 06/20/2009 at 1:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9997) - you deserved it (68447)
On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)
Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37101) - you deserved it (2183)
On 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (4424)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8252) - you deserved it (79905)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21898) - you deserved it (48627)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51464) - you deserved it (4284)
On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States
Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (23751)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40371) - you deserved it (9767)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (67932) - you deserved it (2866)
On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
I agree, your life sucks (102526) - you deserved it (6141)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
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