kelseyco

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kelseyco

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 672
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kelseyco's FML badges

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kelseyco's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

by lolomg / 09/07/2011 at 9:22pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

by -- / 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

by ryanlogan / 08/31/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

by lala7 / 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

by Sid / 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went with my beautiful fiancée to tell her Grandmother, who's a bit senile, that we were engaged. Her response: "I know he's very nice, but think about the chubby little ugly children he'll give you". This was followed by a recollection of her ex-boyfriends who would've fathered attractive kids. FML

by Joe / 04/03/2011 at 3:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

by FromNL / 03/25/2011 at 8:22am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Health

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

by tannerpaul / 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm / Love

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

by phantomdriver / 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

by Mikabe / 02/14/2011 at 1:51pm / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Kids