kelissa

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Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:54pm)

kelissa

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 October 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6509
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kelissa : My names Kelissa as noted by my user. don't comment or anything much, just come here for laughs. you know to get away from it all. and it works. :)

kelissa's page activity

Visits<b>cookiesFTW</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 11:12pm<b>dno79</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 10:04am<b>fader402</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 8:38am<b>soapysurprise</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 1:33am<b>refticon</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:06am<b>UserError94</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:41am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 6:05am<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 5:13pm<b>TwentyOnePilots1</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 11:16am<b>Westifer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Knaxer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:26am<b>bklswagger</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 4:48pm<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 6:44pm<b>cmontaz</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 12:04pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 9:11am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:09pm<b>NoName131</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:29am<b>7liv7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 2:57pm

Fucked!<b>refticon</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:06am<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 10:10pm<b>MehNameIsJuan</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 5:13am

kelissa's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kelissa's badges

kelissa's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

by m / 08/21/2012 at 9:59pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

by yarhyun1 / 08/19/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Love

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

by didntevenknow / 08/13/2012 at 11:06am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

by hmmmm / 08/13/2012 at 8:19am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

by brooke / 08/13/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous