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kelissa

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kelissa
  • Town/Country : California, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 2229
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kelissa : My names Kelissa as noted by my user. don't comment or anything much, just come here for laughs. you know to get away from it all. and it works. :)

kelissa's last visitors

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kelissa's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kelissa's badges

kelissa's favorite FMLs

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

#20035075
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25986) - you deserved it (1473)

On 08/22/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

#20034633
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25300) - you deserved it (3791)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by m (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

#20031010
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29180) - you deserved it (3260)

On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

#20029819
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22736) - you deserved it (1939)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:00pm - love - by yarhyun1 (man) - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

#20029320
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18823) - you deserved it (2743)

On 08/19/2012 at 1:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (2085)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

#20027025
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28647) - you deserved it (1225)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18431) - you deserved it (4644)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (3718)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

#20018901
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22473) - you deserved it (1148)

On 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm - misc - by jannister (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

#20018901
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22473) - you deserved it (1148)

On 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm - misc - by jannister (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

#20018573
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10372) - you deserved it (31016)

On 08/13/2012 at 11:06am - intimacy - by didntevenknow (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

#20018436
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27174) - you deserved it (3385)

On 08/13/2012 at 8:19am - intimacy - by hmmmm (woman) - Australia

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

#20017935
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12662) - you deserved it (15224)

On 08/13/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by brooke - United States

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

#20014909
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39828) - you deserved it (4577)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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