kelissa

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Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:54pm)

kelissa

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 October 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6159
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kelissa : My names Kelissa as noted by my user. don't comment or anything much, just come here for laughs. you know to get away from it all. and it works. :)

kelissa's page activity

Visits<b>soapysurprise</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 1:33am<b>refticon</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:06am<b>UserError94</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 12:41am<b>dno79</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 6:10pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 6:05am<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 5:13pm<b>TwentyOnePilots1</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 11:16am<b>Hrodrik</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 2:02am<b>Westifer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Knaxer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:26am<b>bklswagger</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 4:48pm<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 6:44pm<b>cmontaz</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 12:04pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 9:11am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:09pm<b>NoName131</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:29am<b>7liv7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 2:57pm<b>crazy_loner</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:06pm

Fucked!<b>refticon</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 10:06am<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 10:10pm<b>MehNameIsJuan</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 5:13am

kelissa's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kelissa's badges

kelissa's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

by blazer / 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

by Jerrrr / 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

by anon13 / 04/12/2009 at 12:27am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

by lifestinks / 04/05/2009 at 12:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy