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kelissa

Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:54pm) | Search for a member

kelissa

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 October 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3035
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kelissa : My names Kelissa as noted by my user. don't comment or anything much, just come here for laughs. you know to get away from it all. and it works. :)

kelissa's page activity

Visits<b>RocketmanWelbz</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 10:40pm<b>xfaze321</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 10:29pm<b>dykeee1993</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 8:03pm<b>fuckingoboys</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 7:40pm<b>jdhebert</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:52am<b>battlehamster</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 4:13am<b>Kalipczo</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:22am<b>cazuter</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:16pm<b>InDoctorWeTrust</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 1:20am<b>max5692</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 11:49am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:37am<b>trent41286</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 3:42pm<b>Burton_Forever</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 7:53pm<b>josiah77</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 1:41pm<b>Nick7778</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 10:43pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 10:25pm<b>brawler7x</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 6:46pm<b>iamvanellope</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 3:15pm

kelissa's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kelissa's badges

kelissa's favorite FMLs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41786) - you deserved it (15695)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20497) - you deserved it (59926)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

#20536715
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39807) - you deserved it (2537)

On 03/09/2013 at 5:35am - love - by Quiteannoyed (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (2856)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (3241)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

#20535847
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31127) - you deserved it (2621)

On 03/08/2013 at 1:44pm - money - by defrauded (woman) - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

#20535789
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26764) - you deserved it (2006)

On 03/08/2013 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54792) - you deserved it (14393)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40935) - you deserved it (3855)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43988) - you deserved it (6710)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29996) - you deserved it (6160)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22218) - you deserved it (45464)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35488) - you deserved it (5343)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61513) - you deserved it (5382)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

#20526945
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (2372)

On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)



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