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keithstone43

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keithstone43

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keithstone43's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

#7925125
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30485) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:27am - animals - by btg - United States (California)

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39896) - you deserved it (3168)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

#5946410
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30070) - you deserved it (11623)

On 10/22/2009 at 5:24pm - work - by JustEwww (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

#5937926
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49443) - you deserved it (4727)

On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

#5034499
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45114) - you deserved it (5115)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

#4724946
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41504) - you deserved it (2489)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:43am - work - by elipses (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

#3862614
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47163) - you deserved it (7268)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by xobeachbabi428ox - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148615) - you deserved it (9347)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70040) - you deserved it (8414)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

#2264507
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35530) - you deserved it (54053)

On 05/25/2009 at 1:39am - love - by downer (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

#1154114
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67131) - you deserved it (21289)

On 04/20/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

#6669
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35360) - you deserved it (8225)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:16pm - intimacy - by Zippyzoo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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