About keepcalmandbacon : One does not simply write a description of oneself on FML.
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keepcalmandbacon's favorite FMLs
Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML
by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by monkey / 09/19/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML
by fired / 09/17/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
by Jake / 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
Today, one of my online friends told me he's bought a plane ticket, so he can come visit me. I've told him multiple times before that I'm uncomfortable with this idea, but he keeps telling me to stop joking, and reminding me that he'll have no other place to stay. FML
by LolAtMyPosts / 09/15/2013 at 2:04pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
by sammieshortcake / 09/14/2013 at 11:30am / United States / Love
by Kaka_Karrot_Kake / 09/13/2013 at 9:49am / United States (Texas) / Money
by Anonymous / 09/13/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by sysadmin:~# rm -rf / / 09/12/2013 at 3:40pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 9:29am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.…