This member hasn't filled in the description.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (10444)
On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10622) - you deserved it (35851)
On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40851) - you deserved it (4216)
On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48211) - you deserved it (6283)
On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30698) - you deserved it (5518)
On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34895) - you deserved it (8898)
On 06/09/2011 at 7:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26976) - you deserved it (5232)
On 06/09/2011 at 9:22am - health - by IPityTheStool (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31868) - you deserved it (8156)
On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States
Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22291) - you deserved it (10805)
On 06/01/2011 at 2:44pm - misc - by Stiny (man) - United States
Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17483) - you deserved it (44206)
On 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36236) - you deserved it (7002)
On 05/29/2011 at 12:41am - love - by Username - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33321) - you deserved it (13135)
On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30879) - you deserved it (4373)
On 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm - kids - by diddlebuag - United States (Ohio)
Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9828) - you deserved it (52368)
On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28628) - you deserved it (2490)
On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - work - by Alice - Australia (New South Wales)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
