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kbball95's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
kbball95's favorite FMLs
by grannygirlfriend / 12/06/2011 at 12:13pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/23/2011 at 4:36am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 11/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States / Love
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML
by Shelbs / 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
by Katrin / 10/30/2011 at 3:13pm / Norway / Transportation
by Me / 10/27/2011 at 2:40am / United States / Intimacy
by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my…