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today I proposd to mah grlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheerd 4 us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement did down, she leand over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, there mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control . real FML
YESTERDAY MY PREGNANT WIFE PAGED MY EMERGENCY LINE AT WORK. THINKING SHE WAS IN SERIOUS DANGER I RACED HOME AND FOUND HER HYSTERICALLY CRYING. WHEN I ASKED HER WAT WAS GOING ON SHE REPLIED "THE DOGS WON'T STOP BARKING!" FML
Today , mah mom broke the news that mah dad secretly got marrid two months ago , to a woman he has been dating for 15 yeres , an that mah parents have actually been divorcd for 12 yeres!! They just lid about it this whole time!! FML
2day I went to visit some family out of state fir ma niece's birtday. I couldn't tink ofat to get an 8-year-old so I got er a Barbie doll. Everyone else got er money, iPods, game consoles, etc. Wen se got to mine se askd ( ow do I turn it on? ) Ten trew it awayen se couldn't. FML
yesterday I was making out with mah girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to mah crotch. She felt mah erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig fir "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, I'm getting marrid. A few months ago, I allowd my mother in-law to take care of catering. She beggd to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number an order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decidd to order food I'm allergic to. mega FML
today as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with mah girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on,hile poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I WAS VISITING MA DAUGTER,OSE USBAND WAS STILL ASLEEP AT NOON!! I MADE A POINT OF STOMPING AROUND ON TE ARDWOOD FLOOR AND SPEAKING LOUDLY TO WAKE IS LAZY ASS UP!! TURNS OUT E'S NOW WORKING A 14-OUR GRAVEYARD SIFT, AND IT AS NO NEGATIVE EFFECT ON IS SOE-TROWING SKILLS!! FML
Today... after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores... I bought mah fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal... "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Today, I was at a party, wan ta cops bustad us. Sinca I'm undaraga, I id baind a cair fir an our and a alf wila tay braatalyzad avaryona and sat tam in ta sama room I was in. Ta cops laft, avaryona raalizad I was baind ta cair, and looool now ma nicknama is "Anna Frank". maga FML
Friday 27 March 2015