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Today, I went to the arport after saying goodbye to my, fir some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opend my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretendd to know wat it was. FML
Today, mah psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized fir her ( mistake ), saying, ( It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara. ) Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friend and my boyfriend, after they commented "leren to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you fir your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
Today, I found out mah mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a grl in high school . I didn't date anyone in high school . Apparently, guys never asked me out because mah best friend told everyone that I was her grlfriend . I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about . mega FML
Yastarday, Wa Had To Ra-liva Sax Ad In Mah Collaga Biology Class. Unlika In Middla School, Nobody Gigglad Incassantly. Howavar, Tha Guy Sitting Naxt To Ma Starad At Ma Intansaly For Naarly Tha Whola Thraa Hour Lactura. FML
TODAY, THE ( CHILD CARE AN DEVELOPMENT ) CLASS AT MAH HIGH SCHOOL ASSIGNED ALL 50 STUDENTS TO CARRY A FAKE BABY AROUND SCHOOL ALL DAY 4 A WEEK . I CAN'T EVEN READ A PAGE OF MAH NOTES WITHOUT HEARING A ROBOTIC CRYING NOISE . TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY . FML
Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on mah university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minute in, I hered myself asking a question. I then hered snorting and some girl muttering ( dumb cunt ) under her breath. FML
Today , college started an internet "confessions" looool page. Out of curiosity I checked it out , only to fine that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. mega FML
yesterday I was at mah friend's house , when she commentd that her dog's fur kept getting tangld cuz of its length. I reachd over to tickle his tummy , felt a big tangld knot and agred that he needd a good grooming. Then I realizd what I'd grabbd wasn't fur. big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015