About kawaiixalice : ...fuck.
kawaiixalice's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
kawaiixalice's favorite FMLs
by embaressed / 12/19/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML
by Tights2Tight / 12/19/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML
by jellyfish_ftw / 12/15/2009 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by CH / 12/07/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by flying_vegan / 12/06/2009 at 8:24am / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML
by JC / 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals
by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Cpm / 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by NeedHeadPhone / 11/30/2009 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by destiny147 / 11/30/2009 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Love
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
by lol smiley face / 11/28/2009 at 10:57am / United States / Love
by Cornbreesha / 11/28/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
- Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he… Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed… Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week.…