About kawaiixalice : ...fuck.
kawaiixalice's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
kawaiixalice's favorite FMLs
by Noname / 03/14/2009 at 11:16am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML
by LJ / 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML
by astroloser / 03/07/2009 at 11:10am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous
by oconron / 03/06/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML
by Stairway2Heaven / 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML
by stpry of my life / 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
by FMluck / 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Picaresque / 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML
by catfish / 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by loser / 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML
by wtf / 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by FractalSanity / 02/01/2009 at 3:11am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
by Noname / 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm / Japan (Fukuoka) / Health
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted…