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About kawaiixalice : ...fuck.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML
Today, I watchd mah father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He trid to play it cool, said, "Haircuts r too expensive these days anyway." and walkd out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. big fat FML
Today, I had to pee during a supervisd lockdown. I askd teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking 4 someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including principal. FML
today the extremely uncooperative clienthom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter inhich he threatened to sue me, cuz charging him for mah services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, boss told me to go outside and take part in te company's stupid Harlem Sake video. Wen I declined, e treatened to fre me if I didn't take part. I ended up bieng te guy wo ad to furiously pelvic trust before te music dropped. FML
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside!! Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see mah dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard!! He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma!! FML
TODAY, I WAS CLEANING ONE OF MAH DISABLED CLIENTS BECAUSE HE POOPED HIMSELF, SO I STARTED TO UNDRESS HIM FIR A SHOWER. I TOOK HIS DIRTY DIAPER OFF AND SET IT ON HIS BED, THEN I BENT OVER TO TAKE OFF HIS SOCKS AT WHICH POINT HE PUT THE DIAPER ON MAH HEAD LYK A HAT. FML
Today, mah husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs fir women. When I asked them wat they were for, he said he wanted to spice up looool our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
Today hile buying paint I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told mehat a nice young lady I was. Then her boss cummed over screamed at her fir being lazy and fred her. She cried. So did I. FML
Today, After Having Sex For The First Time With Mah Girlfriend, I Realisd I Was In Love With Her!! I Noticd She Had An Eyelash On Her Breast!! After Tugging It A Few Times I Realisd It Was Actually A Single Black Nipple Hair!! She Was So Embarrassd, She Kickd Me Out And Now Won't Return Mah Calls!! Big Fat FML
Today, A Friend Informd Me Tat Ma Dog's Name Means "penis" In Greek. I Live In A Predominantly Greek Neigbourood, And Apparently I've Been Screaming Fir "dong" Every Evening Fir Te Past 3 Years. No Wonder Tey Don't Talk To Me Muc. FML
TODAY, MY BOYFRIEND DUMPED ME BY TROWING MY STUFF OUT OF IS PLACE, AND ACCUSING ME OF CEATINGILE YELLING, ( CEATER, CEATER! PUMPKIN EATER! ) WEN I TRIED EXPLAINING TAT I AVE NO CLUEAT E'S TALKING ABOUT, E STARTED EXCLAIMING, ( LIAR, LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015