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karmynashley's FML badges
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karmynashley's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML
by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
by poohanne / 01/12/2013 at 1:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML
by wowthanks / 01/11/2013 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
by GiraffeLover / 01/11/2013 at 6:36am / Australia / Love
by deadhammy / 01/11/2013 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML
by theycallmekitty / 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML
by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy
by Anon / 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML
by Darkandcold / 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…