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Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (3536)
On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17012) - you deserved it (29654)
On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)
Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23688) - you deserved it (4012)
On 01/20/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (2430)
On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20405) - you deserved it (4877)
On 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18811) - you deserved it (9131)
On 01/19/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by Fluffydemise - United States
Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23046) - you deserved it (5006)
On 01/19/2013 at 8:51am - love - by Claire - United States (Maryland)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36931) - you deserved it (6132)
On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29507) - you deserved it (2562)
On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31822) - you deserved it (1619)
On 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm - misc - by mel (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24940) - you deserved it (2290)
On 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by dpap - United States (Iowa)
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22048) - you deserved it (3254)
On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47686) - you deserved it (4451)
On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24612) - you deserved it (10436)
On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23988) - you deserved it (8105)
On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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