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kappaaa's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML
by Yes / 11/24/2009 at 11:08am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV / 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML
by R / 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Work
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by stixx / 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML
by IMayBeAFool / 10/13/2009 at 2:38am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by signinept / 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
by GasAttack / 09/07/2009 at 9:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML
by leahbeuhh / 09/05/2009 at 9:39am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML
by snakeboy / 08/24/2009 at 12:49am / Australia (South Australia) / Transportation
Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML
by badbestfriend / 08/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 11:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML
by waterballoons / 07/27/2009 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my…