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About kandy : My name is Katie.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, wile I was babysitting, te toddler was feeding me banana slices from er tray wile I was cutting up clay 4 er to mold. It was all fine until se soved someting ard and cruncy into my mout. I immediately spat it out into my and. It was a dead cricket se found on te floor. FML
Today, I was talking to mah grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See u later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up mah grandma. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on cock. I quickly rippd the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watchd a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fuckd a spider. FML
Today, I Was So Drunk That Mah Friends Put Me To Bed During A Party. Later I Find Out Thathile I Was Passed Out Two Of Mah Friends Came In An Had Sexhile I Was In The Same Bed. They Tried To Use Me As A Prop. Now Mah Friends Call Me The Love Wedge. Fat FML
Today I was working at Old Navy. A girl cummed up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled "you jerk! Why are u mocking her? She has tourettes u know!" looool FML
Today , at te restaurantere I work , I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting te table , I was deciding between saying ( Can I get you anyting to drink? ) and ( Can I start you off wit someting? ) My actual greeting? ( Can I get you ladies looool off? ) FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I went to the ER 4 severe pain in mah abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, ( Well it's not your appendix. ) Thinking I'm in the clear I say, ( That's Awesome ), the doctor then respondd with ( It's probably your testicles. ) FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting looool arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, mah 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom hered and looked immediately at me . FML
I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shockd. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointd at me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015