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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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kalista

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kalista
  • Town/Country : US
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 549
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kalista's FML badges

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kalista's favorite FMLs

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my sons Ps3. FML

#6933197 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (6863) - you deserved it (30814)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:30am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

#6933168 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (21203) - you deserved it (7921)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

#6911518 (39)

I agree, your life sucks (15769) - you deserved it (1299)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Muffinhater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

#6896062 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (5139) - you deserved it (20204)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by ApolloandDixie (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

#6842155 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (33229) - you deserved it (2713)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:14am - love - by Catholicguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

#6692026 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (9045)

On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my neighbor took out a restraining order against me. She told the cops that for the last week, I've been standing in my yard looking at her though her bedroom window. It's my blow up Santa in the yard, not me. FML

#6637794 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (1540)

On 12/06/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

#6553131 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (35968) - you deserved it (5754)

On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

#6544765 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (24505) - you deserved it (9089)

On 12/01/2009 at 12:00am - love - by toastedguy (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was in line in the grocery store with my 3 year old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had a cow with sunglasses on on it. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (2054)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (27609) - you deserved it (3909)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

#6527445 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (1736)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:34am - kids - by coloradoman (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

#6522437 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (24105) - you deserved it (3216)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

#6512004 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (23297) - you deserved it (8358)

On 11/29/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (9854)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)