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jyn
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  • Number of visits : 1537
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16156) - you deserved it (93811)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62257) - you deserved it (10390)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124033) - you deserved it (13809)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16818) - you deserved it (81299)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15713) - you deserved it (105032)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49035) - you deserved it (93056)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

#254280
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33281) - you deserved it (73786)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (17036)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23039) - you deserved it (31401)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22123) - you deserved it (36023)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22123) - you deserved it (36023)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52069) - you deserved it (13675)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

#161077
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41150) - you deserved it (25864)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm - love - by sprocket (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16296) - you deserved it (48252)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)



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