jupiter7

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jupiter7

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1451
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jupiter7's page activity

Visits<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Owlnight321</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 12:11am<b>unfortunatewsy</b> - the 06/20/2012 at 2:23pm

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jupiter7's favorite FMLs

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

by starboy / 03/10/2012 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm / United States / Love

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

by anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

by neednewdeoderant / 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML

by davidh5012 / 11/27/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

by Person15 / 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love