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julia2750's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML
by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML
by happypineapple / 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the… Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because… Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to…
- Today, recently my family has been keeping everything a mouse can get into out of their reach so as… Today, I haven't had sex with my husband in over a year, but we're cruising craigslist too find a… Today, my fiance and I go out to lunch, and I noticed our server, who is rather very attractive, is…