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juanaranda1015's favorite FMLs
Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML
by CapeRanger / 10/04/2009 at 2:13pm / South Africa (Limpopo) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML
by Lulu / 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by 0ros / 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML
by psychedout / 08/10/2009 at 6:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML
by scaredshitless / 08/07/2009 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
by Jeremy / 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML
by some_girl_19 / 08/05/2009 at 9:04am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Fmycatslife / 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML
by fatgirl4 / 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
by homedoggieo / 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by pkstarstorm / 07/14/2009 at 2:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML
by Peta2nNoMore / 07/04/2009 at 6:42am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Kids
Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML
by ThanksMom / 06/02/2009 at 8:06am / United States (Indiana) / Love