jpallan

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Offline (the 08/08/2014 at 4:58pm)

jpallan

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 22 September 1981 (34 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2478
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About jpallan : My life has yet to be thoroughly f'ed, but then again, I probably just jinxed myself.

jpallan's page activity

Visits<b>weedle99</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 7:53am<b>CamBamShamDaMan</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 6:29pm<b>holly_fly</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 1:04pm<b>msmama1985</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 2:03pm<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 9:14pm<b>avarland</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 6:28am<b>trex83</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 10:26am<b>xNuclear_Summer</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 4:40pm<b>ssseksci</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 3:43pm<b>sarah1024</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 1:28am<b>texaskitty86</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 10:52pm<b>Ashley2056</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 10:23pm<b>Minou</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 4:41pm<b>penguinazul</b> - the 10/29/2011 at 10:07am<b>slim_lady</b> - the 10/27/2011 at 2:53pm<b>sadistmonkey</b> - the 09/17/2011 at 1:32pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/16/2011 at 10:36pm<b>Karamelo</b> - the 09/16/2011 at 2:57pm

jpallan's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

jpallan's favorite FMLs

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

by APetsPet / 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

by treegirl / 07/26/2009 at 1:57am / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

by fd_uplife / 07/05/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

by Emptyspace / 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

by Slash / 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

by hamsterlovinn / 06/06/2009 at 1:51am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

by ThanksMom / 06/02/2009 at 8:06am / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health