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About jpallan : My life has yet to be thoroughly f'ed, but then again, I probably just jinxed myself.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I had a wrestling match. Someone put Viagra in my waterbottle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37428) - you deserved it (2905)
On 01/22/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by wrestler133 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38818) - you deserved it (2825)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35429) - you deserved it (99710)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85074) - you deserved it (25503)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to become a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55194) - you deserved it (2559)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by fd_uplife (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52091) - you deserved it (133747)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52033) - you deserved it (2552)
On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (149037) - you deserved it (22382)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13688) - you deserved it (32242)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by Slash (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32864) - you deserved it (488561)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59114) - you deserved it (3362)
On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML
I agree, your life sucks (72343) - you deserved it (2429)
On 06/02/2009 at 8:06am - love - by ThanksMom (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30844) - you deserved it (99811)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76983) - you deserved it (3457)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (94868) - you deserved it (8976)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
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