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jordi55's favorite FMLs
by murphy22 / 08/24/2012 at 5:33am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by TheBeautifulOne / 08/23/2012 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
by baffled / 08/22/2012 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 12:04am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughing stock of my social circle. FML
by luvonsarah / 08/14/2012 at 1:27pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
by impickingyourhomegran / 08/13/2012 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/13/2012 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
by Joe Lizen / 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
by Nomoreballs / 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
by I_Has_A_Fishy / 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML
by eggmarie / 07/10/2012 at 12:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
by Wwiimaniac / 06/25/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous