Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jordi55

Online | Search for a member

jordi55

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3728
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jordi55's page activity

Visits<b>rachelllllb</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Cassandra2015</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 11:36am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 4:36am<b>Donuts202</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 10:12pm<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 5:42am<b>jenamalone</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 6:09pm<b>Jeromiah</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 8:47am<b>melons</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 6:51pm<b>Ruben_Jab</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 6:30pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 2:51pm<b>bvilleg</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 12:39pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 10:53am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 3:26pm<b>jad0016</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 6:13pm<b>erichanoki</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 9:01am<b>rjc490</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 12:54am<b>pizzaislyf4eva</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 2:37am<b>rachelpayne18</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 10:04pm

jordi55's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of jordi55's badges

jordi55's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40026) - you deserved it (4442)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

#20533456
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (1733)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by evilsandwich (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

#20504733
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31228) - you deserved it (2620)

On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8782) - you deserved it (50484)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (3213)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40664) - you deserved it (8139)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

#20497647
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16458) - you deserved it (25945)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm - animals - by fish killer - Canada

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38548) - you deserved it (2171)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47874) - you deserved it (3574) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

#20485916
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12153) - you deserved it (55594)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

#20482822
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30226) - you deserved it (3711)

On 01/28/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by hopelessteej (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26120) - you deserved it (3215)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



FML's blog

  • Sidonie's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant…

Thursday 19 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: