jordanmaupin

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Offline (the 01/31/2015 at 6:05am)

jordanmaupin

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 388
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jordanmaupin's page activity

Visits<b>Typicall</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 12:12am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:13pm<b>copperchinchilla</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 1:53am<b>Pandacupcakelove</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 1:46pm<b>rickki90</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 3:19pm

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jordanmaupin's favorite FMLs

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

by Erica / 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

by nomorenakedpicsplease / 07/07/2013 at 1:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

by aimee_alexis / 06/20/2013 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

by woof woof?? / 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

by unknown / 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

by what the fuck / 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Intimacy

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2013 at 12:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

by VDM / 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm / Kids

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 4:55pm / France (Aquitaine) / Love

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 7:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous