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jordanb19

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jordanb19

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 212
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 18 posted

About jordanb19 : ...

jordanb19's page activity

Visits<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 1:33pm<b>subhaan786</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:37pm<b>carecow</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 10:32pm<b>redwill85</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 7:59am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 4:59pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 4:46pm<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 2:06pm

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jordanb19's favorite FMLs

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (2969)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34645) - you deserved it (2641)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47990) - you deserved it (9436)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37830) - you deserved it (5739)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42470) - you deserved it (16069)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

#21239720
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40502) - you deserved it (5634)

On 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by ugh thanks - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46202) - you deserved it (7554)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48267) - you deserved it (4535)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14956) - you deserved it (71037)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40005) - you deserved it (4510)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40055) - you deserved it (6565)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43295) - you deserved it (7914)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

#21194564
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55922) - you deserved it (5177) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/01/2014 at 12:55am - love - by NosChersVoisins - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46028) - you deserved it (8301)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)



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