Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jordanb19

Offline (8 hours ago) | Search for a member

jordanb19

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 272
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 18 posted

About jordanb19 : ...

jordanb19's page activity

Visits<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 1:33pm<b>subhaan786</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:37pm<b>carecow</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 10:32pm<b>redwill85</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 7:59am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 4:59pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 4:46pm<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 2:06pm

jordanb19's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of jordanb19's badges

jordanb19's favorite FMLs

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20115) - you deserved it (26586)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (3257)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19270) - you deserved it (37155)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34025) - you deserved it (4277)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33776) - you deserved it (12132)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25718) - you deserved it (51528)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34291) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44308) - you deserved it (2956)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33820) - you deserved it (6592)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29993) - you deserved it (3797)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37358) - you deserved it (4548)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43396) - you deserved it (3972)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (3425)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

#21265921
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37262) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39871) - you deserved it (6300)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: