- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 2764
- Number of comments : 0
- Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 18 posted
About jordanb19 : ...
About jordanb19 : ...
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML
by ChaosFerret / 05/03/2016 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML
by oh gee / 05/02/2016 at 1:01am / Intimacy
Today, some guy woke me up at 5.30am by yelling outside my window. I opened the window and told him to knock it off before going back to bed. It took a good 3 minutes of his laughter before I realised I was naked and he got a close-up view of my breasts. FML
by Bawsack / 04/30/2016 at 5:00am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous
by jack the ripped / 04/30/2016 at 12:38am / United States / Health
by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2016 at 1:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML
by sleepylillion / 04/25/2016 at 1:07am / United States (Hawaii) / Love
Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML
by sleepingbeauty / 04/24/2016 at 4:45am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
by HomeAlone / 04/24/2016 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Roomie pay rent plz / 04/23/2016 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by dvddtraveller / 04/22/2016 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML
by 12MONTHLEASE / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by j / 04/18/2016 at 6:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML
by killme.jpeg / 04/17/2016 at 9:04pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous