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jokeson_me's favorite FMLs
by GingerJ / 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML
by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
by Hum / 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by heather / 06/20/2011 at 6:25pm / Canada / Love
Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML
by Almostfunny / 03/16/2011 at 9:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML
by AdamFoundHisEve / 05/25/2010 at 3:08pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML
by Mackdaddy / 02/07/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
by NoPainNoGain / 06/05/2009 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health
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- Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner… Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on… Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked…
- Today, we were given an essay topic in English. The assignment involves us picking a politician by… Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because… Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I…