johnnynumnuts

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Offline (the 06/18/2016 at 7:29pm)

johnnynumnuts

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johnnynumnutsjohnnynumnuts
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 June 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1478
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About johnnynumnuts : Louisville, Kentucky.

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johnnynumnuts's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 6:52am<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 12:10am<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 1:43pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 9:15pm<b>samanthaelena</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:03pm<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 11:45pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 1:12am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 2:11am<b>princesskammm</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 9:42am<b>tpagacz</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 1:33am<b>reaaaagan6</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:41am<b>Mons</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 12:24am<b>shufflyn</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 10:09am<b>violentsneezes</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 11:13pm<b>lchollett</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 9:27pm<b>ginnyboo</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 12:09am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:15pm<b>mallaryheintz</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 9:33pm

Fucked!<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 12:10am<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 3:16am<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 4:38am<b>violentsneezes</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 8:16pm<b>ginnyboo</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 6:09am<b>lchollett</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 2:35am<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 7:11am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:48am

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johnnynumnuts's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

by MuteNToot / 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 8:46am / Intimacy

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

by Ashamed_Sister / 11/30/2013 at 2:35am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

by Thanksalot / 11/30/2013 at 12:58am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 12:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

by emirie / 11/14/2013 at 4:33pm / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

by fuck you, bitchcake / 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

by tramp / 11/10/2013 at 12:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

by unknown / 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

by cmart_9 / 10/29/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

by SharkWeek / 10/27/2013 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy