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johnmleech's favorite FMLs
by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML
by CaBur / 02/19/2013 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
by ari / 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm / United States / Work
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:09am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
by noname / 02/17/2013 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 5:44pm / Hungary (Szeged) / Love
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
by Notaplacetogo / 02/17/2013 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
by Acolyte of the Bacon God / 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by rani / 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
- Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over… Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In… Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have…