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jml7999

Offline (the 08/19/2014 at 1:20am) | Search for a member

jml7999

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jml7999's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39023) - you deserved it (3907)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40799) - you deserved it (6034)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33619) - you deserved it (22349)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50313) - you deserved it (6776)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45922) - you deserved it (4445)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

#21194507
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34651) - you deserved it (9765)

On 07/01/2014 at 12:12am - misc - by dillon (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28738) - you deserved it (42032)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

#21193510
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40806) - you deserved it (6886)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:40am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

#21192976
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39261) - you deserved it (10578)

On 06/29/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51939) - you deserved it (4722)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

#21191661
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45619) - you deserved it (4149)

On 06/28/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

#21179613
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24859) - you deserved it (50355)

On 06/18/2014 at 5:06pm - misc - by shtidsfpa (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46005) - you deserved it (4198)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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