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jjmeow

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jjmeow
  • Town/Country : Seattle, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 May 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 571
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About jjmeow : Blah blah blah MEMES blah blah blah ZOMBIES blah blah blah XBOX blah blah blah

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jjmeow's favorite FMLs

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37494) - you deserved it (2021)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8698) - you deserved it (31688)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30806) - you deserved it (5845)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (32203)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

#16157104
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (7493)

On 05/13/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by toothpastecat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

#16157104
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (7493)

On 05/13/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by toothpastecat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

#15589666
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36293) - you deserved it (3554)

On 04/01/2011 at 2:16pm - misc - by Natalie - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

#15583575
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23484) - you deserved it (30343)

On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

#15581627
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8514) - you deserved it (65383)

On 03/31/2011 at 10:23pm - misc - by owies :( - United States (Florida)

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

#15580957
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27149) - you deserved it (5076)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

#15570685
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20331) - you deserved it (11687)

On 03/31/2011 at 1:49am - health - by foreverafatty (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

#15562306
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32365) - you deserved it (3062)

On 03/30/2011 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anon_a_mouse (man) - Reserved

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

#15560826
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25118) - you deserved it (3905)

On 03/30/2011 at 1:28pm - misc - by Alisha (woman) - United Kingdom (Stirling)

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

#15560362
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (7448)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

#15555921
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32010) - you deserved it (24012)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:54am - health - by shelby - United States



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