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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24753) - you deserved it (15686) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6043) - you deserved it (50724)
On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78030) - you deserved it (4310)
On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12166) - you deserved it (198919)
On 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by MgmEboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9231) - you deserved it (63049)
On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - animals - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40937) - you deserved it (6156)
On 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by hungryman (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9379) - you deserved it (52226)
On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56501) - you deserved it (2673)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18270) - you deserved it (58264)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13500) - you deserved it (164114)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22587) - you deserved it (187174)
On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17801) - you deserved it (192533)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16116) - you deserved it (49653)
On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19865) - you deserved it (197648)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (381458) - you deserved it (21582)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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