jessxoxo28

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jessxoxo28

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 April 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 99663
  • Number of comments : 1162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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jessxoxo28's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 8:11pm<b>3051628</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 3:40am<b>kylo_117</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 12:28pm<b>lexred</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 10:51am<b>pmore04</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 7:29pm<b>HAMY</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 11:34am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 3:38am<b>C7</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 4:22am<b>Sam963</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 5:30am<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 2:41am<b>immaloser95</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 10:28pm<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 2:56am<b>freyday</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 9:14pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 12:10am<b>Chewstick1227</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 9:30am<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 9:52am<b>Meriwether</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 6:48pm<b>Skarlun</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:00am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - yesterday at 2:11am<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 8:56am<b>max367</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 12:41am

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jessxoxo28's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

by badmom101 / 05/16/2009 at 7:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

by theatreismylife / 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

by bdutton / 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML

by oxbbabexo / 04/14/2009 at 9:45am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

by BrokeAsAJoke / 03/29/2009 at 9:38am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy